


Loki's McDate Disaster

by ExoticGhosts



Series: Loki's Dating Disasters [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angry Frigga (Marvel), Awesome Frigga (Marvel), Awkward Dates, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, First Dates, Insecure Tony, Loki-centric, M/M, Paparazzi, Poor Loki, Teen Romance, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-02-01 01:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12693822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExoticGhosts/pseuds/ExoticGhosts
Summary: So, Thor got Loki a date with his crush, Tony Stark. To McDonald's. Okay. It's not the most romantic place, but maybe it won't be so bad...Okay. Maybe it will.





	Loki's McDate Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> mmmMMMM. OKAY This is my second time trying to upload this. And I've revised and rewritten this so many times. I don't think its.... too bad. I hope you like it. I did have an entirely different ending but it was way too romantic to make it into this fic so... maybe I'll write another? Until then, the frostmaster fic is next.  
> Yup, I AM MY OWN BETA. Please rip into me. And enjoy, my lovelies.

When Loki had gotten home, knowing that Thor would be at ‘soccer’ practice for another two hours, he immediately raided the other man’s room. He had stolen and hidden all of his left shoes. He had switched Thor’s shampoo and body wash. He had considered dipping Thor’s toothbrush in the toilet but he knew the oaf would be completely oblivious. Instead, he made sure to douse it with plenty of pickle juice. Thor hated pickles. And worst of all… Worst of all, he had stolen Thor’s secret stash of junk food and buried it deep within his own closet. To say he was a little vindictive would be an understatement.

Of course, all of this mischief had left him with an entire hour to stress and get ready for his date. Part of him was happy, ecstatic even, that Thor had taken his time to talk to Tony and convince him to even  _ consider _  going out with his baby brother. However, that feeling was completely smothered by the fact that Thor had no finesse and had even gone back on his  _ promise _  not to say anything. At least when Loki set Thor up with Jane, he had taken his time and acted casual. He made friends with her friends. He even made friends with her and added a few subtle hints, letting Jane do the rest. He didn’t just walk up to the front of the classroom and say ‘Hi Jane! I know we’ve never talked, never even looked at each other, actually, but my brother told his internet friend that you had a very nice ass and likes to watch you in class and is too nervous to talk to you himself. Would you mind asking him out? Thanks!’.

In the past 20 minutes alone, Loki had tried on four different outfits. They ranged from ‘distant cousin’s birthday party formal’ to ‘Odin’s annual banquet formal’. He had just finished buttoning his blazer of outfit number 5 when he paused and looked himself in the mirror. He looked… nice. Loki smiled.

And then he remembered that Tony Stark hadn’t asked him to some restaurant like Ai Fiori. He hadn’t really asked him at all. If Loki remembered correctly, which he did, Tony had said, “We’ll meet at McDonald’s at 6.”

Tasteless and dirty, but it was a date. The hopeless romantic side of Loki had wanted to be picked up. He wanted to be whisked away from his family late at night. He wanted Tony to take him to the top of a skyscraper and eat caviar and drink wine on the roof, surrounded by string lights and fireflies. But… McDonald’s was fine too.

He sighed, toeing off his dress shoes. He switched his slacks with a pair of plain black jeans. He decided to keep on the dark green button-up. It brought out his eyes. He really hoped Tony would comment about how the shirt brought out his eyes.

He padded down the stairs and slipped on his school shoes. Sometime between leaving his room and arriving in the foyer, his palms had begun to sweat. His hands were shaking. He took a breath, steeling himself before he walked into the entertainment room. There, Odin and Frigga were talking quietly, smiling at each other and completely ignoring the TV in front of them. Loki’s lips twitched into a smile, a quick image of him and his future lover doing the same thing. Maybe Stark?  _ McDonald’s _ , his thoughts reminded him. He coughed politely.

Frigga’s cool blue eyes found him and she gave a soft smile. “Hello, Loki.”

“Hi, Mother.” He greeted, shifting slightly and dragging his sneakers across the floor in the way he knew his parents hated, but he couldn’t help it. Frigga’s eyes flicked from his shoes to his wringing hands and her face instantly filled with concern. “I’m okay.” He answered the silent question, “But I was wondering if I could borrow your car.” He leveled her with his best puppy dog eyes and watched her expression grow relieved. He really didn’t need her to worry for no reason.

“Whatever for, dear?”

Loki swallowed. “I have a date.”

The change in mood was instant. Frigga stood and rushed over, grasping Loki’s hands. Her pearly white grin stretched from ear to ear and Loki thought she just might be more excited than he was. “Oh, Loki, that’s wonderful! Where are you going? Who’s the lucky girl?” She purred.

Loki was trembling in her hands and knew that she had felt it. He hoped she just chalked it up to his nervousness about the date. “Just to a restaurant.” And-

He couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t.

His parents were by no means homophobic. Far from it, even. They had been very invested in LGBT rights in Norway, back in the 90s. They had to be, what with Frigga’s brother coming out as really being her sister. He knew they would be okay with him and he knew that they would be extremely supportive no matter what but… It was Loki’s own doubts, his own fear that held him back. What if it was a phase? What if he wasn’t actually gay and then people would think he did it for attention?

Frigga was still waiting for Loki to answer her second question. Slowly, he managed, “Her name is… Natasha. She’s in my physics class.” It wasn’t a total lie. Natasha was in his psychics class. She was a senior and she was damn terrifying. Loki loved her. From a distance.

“Oh, a dinner date! That’s lovely! That was what Odin did on our first date. We went to Re-naa and then took a walk on the beach. It was terribly cold, but he gave me his jacket and-”

“I really need to go.” Loki interrupted politely. The chances were that Loki could wait a few more minutes before he headed out, but he would rather not be reminded of the  _ casualty _  of his date. His parents had taken him to Re-naa often when they had visited their family down south in the summer. It was cozy and modern. It certainly wasn’t fast food. It made Loki grimace, taking away some of the excitement from his date.

“Of course! Of course!” Frigga slid past him, retrieving her purse and fishing out the keys. She pressed them into Loki’s palm and her son began to walk towards the garage. He opened his hand to look down and paused. He turned around.

“The Mercedes?” He asked nervously. Frigga just winked and motioned for him to continue. Loki did.

He entered the garage and glanced around. Thor’s car, a beat-up Corolla, was parked closest to him. It was the ugliest car they owned, but Thor had bought it with his own money so he was proud. Loki had been vengeful enough to nab the keys from Thor’s pocket at school without the other noticing. Thor would find his own way home.

Next to that was their antique Cadillac, then the Lexus, then finally the Mercedes. It was a sleek black with blue halogen bulbs that made it look even more expensive than it was. Loki knew that Tony was rich, even more rich than his own family, but he still didn’t want to show off. He sighed in resignation and got in the car.

It was a short drive. Of course, it was New York at 5:30 PM, which meant  _ traffic _ , but Loki made it in a timely manner still. Pulling up to the street, Loki could see another expensive car. Given that they were in the middle of Manhattan, this wasn’t unusual. But it stood out. It was an ugly, bright yellow Saleen and the license plate read ‘STARK 3’ in clear letters. It made him feel a little better knowing that he wasn’t the only one to show up at a fast food joint with a hundred-thousand-dollar car. He exited, pocketed his keys, and set out.

He entered easily, the noisiness assaulting his ears instantly, and swept his hair back with clammy hands.  _ This isn’t anything fancy. It’s McDonald’s for Norn’s sake! _  He didn’t know how many times he had to drive that into his brain, but he would get there. Eventually.

Loki spotted Tony easily. The other boy was playing on his phone in the back and didn’t even look up. Loki huffed. Well, his mood certainly wasn’t improving as the day continued.

His hand landed heavily on the table, perhaps too loud on purpose, and he feigned a pleasant grin. “Hello, Tony.”  _ Please, say something about my shirt matching my eyes _ .

The other boy blinked up and smiled. “Hey. I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come.” Loki’s brows furrowed.

“I’m early.”

“Yeah, well, early is the new late.” He shrugged and stood from the booth. That sounded like something Odin would say. Tony was heading towards the counter and not checking to see if Loki would follow. Loki was almost ashamed to say that he did. “Do you know what you want? McDonald’s doesn’t really have a huge menu but you can take your time if you need to look things over.” Loki bit his tongue.

After a few moments, when Tony deemed enough time had passed, he stepped forward and began ordering. Loki let Tony finish and began ordering his own. He kept it simple, only ordering a large fry and a soda. Greasy food wasn’t his forte and he would rather pitch himself off of a bridge before he ordered chicken nuggets or,  _ ugh _ , a burger. Of course, their food was out just seconds later and Tony led them back to his booth. He threw himself onto the seat with a grin and opened the bag, pushing Loki’s food across the table. “Do you want any sauce?”

“No thank you. I’m fine.” He said. Perhaps, now that they had food, they could actually talk. Loki smiled politely and popped a fry into his mouth, chewing slowly. Tony gave a nervous laugh. Their conversation stalled after that. They ate slowly and Loki found himself listening in on the family behind them. He didn’t even speak Spanish but he was trying to figure out what they were talking about just to stave the growing boredom.  _ What a disaster _ .

The awkwardness drew out, Loki’s temper quickly leaving him as the seconds ticked on. The less they talked, the more Loki’s thoughts began to wander. And that was never a good thing. Suddenly, Tony hissed, “Oh shit!” He dropped his food, grabbing Loki by the wrist and  _ ran _ . He rushed into the play place, making a mad dash for the yellow tube and taking Loki with him.

Loki could barely do anything but stutter as he was forced into a place that was made for toddlers and not slightly-taller-than-average teenage boys. His hair was hanging in his face and Loki cursed. He had put a lot of effort into making sure it looked nice. He really didn’t know why. At this point, it seemed like such a waste. Tony glanced out of one of the holes with wide eyes. A child screamed from somewhere below them and Loki’s jaw clenched. He snapped.

“What the Hel do you think you’re doing?”

Tony’s head whipped around to face him, eyes wide at Loki’s stiff tone. “What?”

“What the  _ Hel _  do you think you’re  _ doing _ ?!” Loki repeated, louder this time and the child below them was still crying. It was driving him mad. He didn’t give Tony a chance to respond as he continued. “You know, I can’t decide whether or not you’re doing this out of pity or just wasting my time.”

“I-”

“I mean, who would take their date to  _ McDonald’s _  in Manhattan in the middle of the evening rush?! Were you not trying to spend money or do you truly not have any class?”

“Loki,”

The younger boy rubbed his hands against his face, hiding the tears that were threatening to brim over his eyes, “If you want to play games with the other children, I’ll leave you to it. But I will not stay here for another second. Thank you for the  _ fries _ .” He squirmed to get out of the tube, which was really ruining his dramatic exit. Damn tiny children.

He heard Tony curse, felt a warm hand grab at his bicep, followed by a thunk as Tony tried to sit up, slamming his head against the plastic and cursing again. Loki gave a mirthful grin- “Wait!”- and there it went. Loki twisted his head around to glare. “Please! Let me explain.” Tony asked desperately. He didn’t respond and silence lapsed over them again.

The kid screamed again. The parents should really take care of that. Loki clicked his tongue. “I’m waiting.”

“Oh! Uh,” Tony stuttered, clearly not expecting Loki to stick around. “Well, it’s just that uh. Thor said that you probably didn’t want to go anywhere too over the top ‘cause he said it would embarrass you. So I thought somewhere casual might be nice but now that I think about it, somewhere like Bob Evans or an actual  _ restaurant _  would have worked better. And Thor also said I shouldn’t push you much, which is why I didn’t talk and I really should have tried to actually make conversation, but I didn’t know what to say because I’ve never actually talked to you.

“And I know I seem like I’m confident and know what I’m doing, but I’ve never even been on a real date before. And I have an image to keep! So, I just,” Tony bit his lip, clearly not knowing where to go next. “And then I was hoping being here in the middle of the rush would keep away the paparazzi, but it didn’t and now they’re down there with cameras. And my parents have no idea that I’m into guys and I have no idea how they’ll react to it but it certainly won’t be nice if they found out through the newspaper and I didn’t even tell them I was on a date.” Tony took a breath from his rambling and Loki blinked.

That… made him feel better. Just slightly. It was a bit weird for Loki to wrap his head around Tony,  _ the _  Tony Stark, not knowing how to take someone on a date. And of course, Thor could be to blame for this. He really tried, but he didn’t know Loki enough to know what he wants in his love life. Another thought occurred to him. He squinted before he asked, “Where do they think you are right now?”

Tony gave a nervous chuckle. “My mom thinks I’m at a school fundraiser,” Loki growled and Tony flinched. “Bad decision. I know. I’m sorry.” He grimaced. The other boy just pinched the bridge of his nose.

They sat quietly for another moment before Loki said quietly, “My parent’s don’t know I’m gay either.” Tony hummed, too scared to say anything else. “And this is a word of advice for anything in the future, do  _ not _  take Thor’s advice on anything. He’s an absolute idiot.”

They shared a quiet, nervous laugh and Tony glanced back outside. They sat for a few minutes. A question hit Loki and he asked,  “If you didn’t want the media to show up, why did you come in a car with a ‘Stark’ license plate?”

Tony’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he sighed. “I’m such a dumbass.”

“We can’t stay here forever.”

“I know. We need a quick escape without being seen.” Loki nodded, glancing around.

“Wait here.” He slipped out of the tube, worming his way down the cramped steps and re-entering the restaurant. He glanced around. Already, he could see six people with cameras posted throughout the building. He sighed. Loki strolled through the restaurant, acting casual as his hands did all the work. He snatched a small jacket from a nearby table and sunglasses from the other. He grabbed one of the empty condiment cups and filled it with water. Then he headed back.

“You are lucky that no one in this country knows who I am.” He said. In Norway, the reaction would have been similar. So, Loki guessed he could sympathize with Tony. But they weren’t in Norway so no one batted an eye at the tall, dark teen. Loki tossed the jacket and glasses at the other boy.

Tony glanced up at him. “This is a kid’s jacket.”

“Then it will fit you perfectly.” Loki snapped with no real bite behind the words. He tipped the sauce cup over, wetting his hands and raking them through Tony’s hair. Tony froze beneath him. “I’m trying to make sure you don’t get recognized,” Loki explained. It really was a challenge, especially with limited resources such as these, but he would have to make do. Tony dressed himself, luckily, and Loki sat back. The jacket fit him perfectly, funnily enough, and the shades were crooked. His hair looked weird when it wasn’t styled, laying flat and messy against his scalp. It wasn’t perfect, but hopefully it would be enough.

Tony followed Loki out of the play place without a word before he stopped. “I can’t go to my car. They’ll make a horde around me. I’ll never get away.”

“We’ll take mine. You can get yours later. Now take my lead.” Loki murmured, heading confidently towards the door. He could tell that Tony was trying to simultaneously curl in on himself and copy Loki’s courage. They reached the doors in just a few seconds and walked right past a photographer. Once out the door, Loki clicked the key in his pocket, starting the car and unlocking it. Loki felt eyes turning on them, more eyes, more attention. He shoved Tony towards the passenger seat and rounded the car, sliding in easily. The door had just shut when he heard a shout.

“That’s Tony! That’s him!” A woman shrieked and Loki jerked the wheel, slamming on the gas and peeling away from the curb. He was not going to get pulled into Tony’s media frenzy. Tony gripped the door with white knuckles.

“Oh my god, you’re going to kill me!” He laughed, glancing back at the restaurant as it quickly became a spot in the distance. Once far enough away, Loki let off the gas and the car made a thankful noise. It hummed softly as Loki drove nowhere in particular.

Tony relaxed, letting his head drop to the seat and his eyes closed. Loki frowned. “Where do you live?” He asked. This date obviously wasn’t working and frankly, he was just ready to go home. He had a brother to throttle.

“You’re going to drop me off, aren’t you?” He said, disappointment tangible. Loki didn’t respond and Tony sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “You can just drop me off at Central Park. Go for a walk before I go home. I can call my driver when I’m ready.”

More silence. It took only a few more turns and a few more minutes before he made it to the Park and dipped smoothly into a space between two extremely close cars. He threw the car into park and sat back, waiting for Tony to leave. He didn’t. Loki threw him a glance.

Tony was staring out of his window, chewing on his thumbnail. The poor layer of protein was broken with an audible crack as his teeth dug in. After a moment, he met Loki’s gaze with wide eyes. His hands dropped into his lap and he coughed. “Listen, Loki.” He started. “I don’t think we got off on the right food- I mean, foot. The wrong foot. Food, too. Fast food was a terrible idea and Thor said-”

“You’ve already explained.” Loki sighed.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Loki wished he would stop apologizing but he didn’t berate him for it. He had been in Tony’s position before. Well, not quite, but still. He found himself apologizing often. “I just… I usually throw money at people to try to impress them but I know that your family is rich too, so that wasn’t going to impress you. And when Thor said ‘something simple’, I- I honestly don’t know what I was thinking.” The brunette tapped his fingers against his chest nervously. “I’d like to make it up to you. A real date, I swear. No paparazzi. No chicken nuggets. And no screaming kids.”

Loki knew he shouldn’t. This day had been one of the most boring and frustrating days of his life (not really). But his heart still fluttered at Tony’s words. His affections for the man flared and he found himself nodding slowly. “I would like that very much, Tony.” The other man slouched in relief.

“I’m going to place sole blame on your brother.”

“That sounds fair.”

He didn’t know how long they sat like that before his phone began to buzz. Loki sighed, sliding his hand into his pocket with a disappointed look and checked the caller ID. Oh.

It was Frigga. Loki bit his lip. This couldn’t be good. He answered. Not wanting Tony to overhear, he spoke in his native tongue. “Ja, Mor?”  _ Yes, Mother? _

“Loki.” She greeted and Loki’s heart jumped. That was her ‘I’m-barely-holding-back-from-yelling’ voice.

“Ja?” He said, slower this time. Tony gave him an odd look.

“Can you explain to me why Thor does not have his car?”

“Um, kjørte jeg hjem?”  _ Um, I drove myself home? _

“Do you know what time it is?”

Loki frowned and turned. He asked Tony. Tony gave him the time.

“Er, klokka er kvart på ti.”  _ It’s quarter to nine _ . He didn’t think it had been that late. He supposed time passed very quickly when he was with Tony. He smiled.

“Loki, he had been at school all day.”

Disbelieving, he couldn’t help, “I tre timer?”  _ For three hours? _  Was Thor an idiot, he asked himself, before immediately answering yes, yes he was.

“Loki,” Frigga said and Loki could hear her teeth grinding together. “You are to pick him up from school  _ now _ .”

“Men jeg er me... Natasha.”  _ But I’m with Natasha. _  He mumbled the name but Tony still heard it and gave him another odd look.

“Loki.” His mother grit. “ _ Now _ .”

Loki sighed. “Ja, Mor.” Frigga hung up without a farewell and Loki let his hand drop. He turned back to Tony. “I’m afraid my idiot brother is ruining things yet again.”

“Did he forget how to tie his shoes?” Tony joked.

“No, they’re all velcro.” They both laughed. It subsided quickly though.

“So… Natasha?”

Loki winced, “They don’t know-”

“Yeah, you said. But, really, that scary girl in our class? I think if a man ever talked to her, she would stab them.”

And Tony wasn’t wrong. Loki felt a quick spike of fear. What if Natasha found out that he told his mother they were dating? “Well, what name would you have preferred?”

“... Bebe.” Tony said after a pause and Loki laughed. “What? It’s cutesy.”

“No. Eira is cute. Bebe sounds like a doll’s name.”

“Does that mean you’ll play with me?” Tony said on instinct, startling them both. For the nth time that night, they were overcome with uncomfortable silence. Tony wished he could shut his mouth for just one second.

Loki was the first to talk. “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home?” He was not going to comment on what Tony said. He wasn’t.

Tony waved him off. “Don’t worry about it. I can call Happy and he can bitch at me and tell me about his horrible TV shows.” Loki was about to argue, trying to avoid getting Thor and returning to his house, but the other boy got out of the car without another word. Damn. There were bound to be consequences when he got home.

Suddenly, there was a knock on his window and he rolled it down. Tony smiled back at him. “Listen, I’ll set something up for next Friday. Does that sound good?” Loki nodded. Tony bit his lip. “I guess it would be awkward to ask for a goodbye kiss?”

_ No! Please kiss me! _  “Yes, it would.”

Tony nodded. “That’s understandable. I’ll earn it next time. Just wait, you’re going to feel like a prince!” The stolen sunglasses were pulled from Tony’s face, letting Loki see his eyes. They were dark, small circles of light dancing in them from the street lights above them. It was pretty. Loki thought they looked like stars.  _ No. _

Tony winked and was gone. Loki cursed himself. He shouldn’t want Tony to kiss him after this disaster. He shouldn’t even be letting him have a second chance. And yet, here he was.  _ Hopeless _ .

Loki pulled away silently, the noises of the city filtering through the glass. He was going to get Thor, go home, send Amora quite possibly the longest message he would ever type, and then he was going to shower until his skin was raw.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to bash their heads into a wall. PLEASE stop being so STUPID.  
> ...  
> Part 3??????


End file.
